Dealova

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidur mu

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu

karena langkah merapuh tanpa diri mu

karena hati telah letih

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang selalu bisa kau sentuh

aku ingin kau tahu bahawa ku selalu memuja mu

tanpa mu sepi nya waktu merantai hati

oh, bayang mu seakan-akan

kau seperti nyanyian dalam hati ku

yang memanggil rindu ku pada mu

seperti udara yang ku hela kau selalu ada

hanya diri mu yang bisa membuat ku tenang

tanpa diri mu aku merasa hilang

dan sepi

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Fallen in love with this song last few months. Another one is Semua Tentang Kita by Peter pan. Indonesian bands seems to make a big name in Malaysian music scenes. I am usually fond of oldies but there's something about the Indonesian music that had struck me. When I listen to Dealova and Semua Tentang Kita, I recall my Kinabalu battle. I remembered Juru my mountain guide. Honestly I missed the torture. The piercing wind, the muscle pain and the cruel cold at Laban Rata and the peak, 100 years forget, I never will.

My heart shattered every time Kinabalu came flashing..

40 is the number..

40. What should be accomplished by 40?

1. More daily prayers

2. A Degree

3. Rent a better house

4. Debt free (except for credit card)

5. part-time teaching

6. Read Tuesdays with Morrie and Shaw Shank Redemption

7. Re-marry

A handful. Well at least I plan. Hurts so much when I read a signage saying - Failing to Plan means Planning to Fail. I can't afford to be a failure any more. Enough is enough. I must take charge of myself now. Allah has lent me this live, got to lead with dignity and responsibility.

Birthdays..

Last Sunday was my birthday. Came to office to do some work. Kids are out with their father. Luckily Ain was here and treated me with the Sambal Pizza. She doesn't know it's my birthday. May is a very special month. Starts with Labour Day, Mother's Day, Teacher's Day, my birthday, my mother's, my late grand mother's, my ex's and my ex best friend's. Not to forget it's the school holiday. Love May.

What is so special about birthdays? None. I just remember it and thank Allah I am a year wiser. Allah gave me another year to enjoy the air and be with my family. Not the type who would celebrate. Did told my kids, one day I would just buy the smallest cake at LaBoheme, Jaya Jusco and eat at home.

I grew up with the culture of celebrating birthdays with lots of food at taking photos. Not my type. Just a waste of time and money. Alhamdulillah the culture failed to conquer me.

Gloomy..

Some times nothing is right, not even a routined work. My throat is too sore for words. Would like to just keep quiet and talk to my blog. Friday mornings are my emotional days. Been reading Antigone, A Doll's House and Soyinka's play. So excited to start the new semester. Been doing the filing system. Hate filing. If only I could ignore all the papers on my table. Results will be out on 1st June. How did I do? An A is not important for me, as long as my CGPA is above 3.00. I would very much fond of enjoying the process of learning. Commenting silently about the lecturers' teaching and their keeness of using slides. Many of them are totally depending on the slides. Lights are out and they start lecturing. None is spontaneous and brainstorming. These people made me think lecturing is an easy job.



School holidays begins. Sigh. Wher to kids? Will your father take you out? Not until I see some amount in my account. Evil mom? Nah....couldn't help what is basic responsibility. I shall try to take them to the lakes to play kites.



Josh Groban is beside me, a slow number. Made me even more want to be alone. Ain has been reminding me about the rafting and snorkelling in KK this year end. Sigh again.. if only I have the money dear friend..



I envy those who would just jump to a vacation. Me, even simple errands need proper planning. Dear Allah, only You have the knowledge of my future..pity me dear Allah, place me with those who always worship You..