Morning Dose with H.O. Solo

Halim is alone this morning. Kinda miss him last week when Rina was solo. I'm attracted to his sample of hari "adik-beradik" where siblings will get together, without their parents or friends. Good suggestion, i like that. But not applicable for me as my brother passed away a few years

ago.

Standing on the train, been thinking. Yes, I would like to have a "Hari Menulis Surat" to Malaysians- this means writing on a piece of paper and post it! The art of writing letter has long gone. I remember when I was in my second year in ITM, my English lecturer made the class write a letter and submit to him as an assignment. It was in 1990. Nowadays, we are too fond of sms and sending e-mails. People are too technology 'savvy'. Every single words are being shortened. Whatever happen to our stamps? Dont forget the art of licking the stamps. How many people do go to the post office or to the post box to send their letters and compare them to the number of sms and emails we send each day.

So dear Halim, I am suggesting the "Hari Menulis Surat" to all Malaysians, to appreciate the art of writing on a piece of paper, put in an envelope, paste a stamp and post it. I am sure it's going to be interesting.

Rafting?

Had a dream last two days, me and many people rafting at Sg Padas, Sabah. Dear God I was so excited. But of course, as always, its the budget. Promised my girl if she managed to score 5 As, then she will come with me. The beckoning Sabah air, never failed to seduce me..

my morning dose

I only listen to the radio a few minutes in the morning, when driving to LRT station. Before Sinar FM, I listen to Light and Easy. People call me an "old timer". I love retros. Never enjoyed Siti Nurhaliza or other young singers. Ok, back to Sinar. The few minutes of Sinar in my car, I do like the subjects of the morning shows, except for last year when Halim continuosly highlighted to pre-marriage of Siti Nurhaliza. Bored of it. And those callers who keep teasing Halim "bila nak kahwin" thingy. Gosh, Halim should do something about that.

I have always wanted to call Halim and Rina but I'm sure the line would be congested. Don't want to waste my prepaid either. I choose to be a silent listener:)

If only I could call them, I would do so on Friday. Friday has always my emotional and gloomy day. Would I want to share my emotions with Sinar listeners? What value would it give me?

Yesterday morning's theme was "pengalaman tertinggi yang dicapai". I would say it was my Kinabalu climb on November 20,2006. I walked alone for three hours, battling with myself, asking time and time again, why I am doing this? Why am I torturing myself? It was the longest walk ever, EVER. The longest battle with myself. I came to discover my trueself and potentials. I keep telling myself it was "mind over matters", "slowly but surely". Flashes of my children keep coming, every minute. I was totally confused why am doing all this. I prayed and meditated, God please help me to conquer the peak. I gave up countless times. I apologised to those who have sponsored my trip. I was the last to arrive. Alhamdulillah I made it, the very hard way! Been there, done that and I'll never do it again, no THANK YOU!

This morning Rina was alone. The theme was something about "Father's Day". Quickly I recalled memories with my late father. My relationship with my father was not very sweet. The tremendous thing he did was to insist that I go to an English medium school, so that "kamu pandai cakap orang putih". Yes, both he and I succeeded. I went to a Methodist school in Ipoh, knowing nothing about English. I remembered my father subscribed to New Straits Times, that was how I picked up English.

If only father is here, I would like to thank him for where I am now. Feel like tuning in to Michael Buble's HOME. Suddenly I missed every one who has touched my life. Sigh..

To Halim and Rina, thank you. Your morning talks has somehow made me think and write. Don't worry Halim, you will still be bujang tersegak. I like your voice Rina. At least both of you are hundred times better than Shida. She made me believe a bad stammer could be a DJ. Can't stand her host on weekends. Thank you Halim and Rina, you made my day:)

Dealova

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidur mu

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu

karena langkah merapuh tanpa diri mu

karena hati telah letih

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang selalu bisa kau sentuh

aku ingin kau tahu bahawa ku selalu memuja mu

tanpa mu sepi nya waktu merantai hati

oh, bayang mu seakan-akan

kau seperti nyanyian dalam hati ku

yang memanggil rindu ku pada mu

seperti udara yang ku hela kau selalu ada

hanya diri mu yang bisa membuat ku tenang

tanpa diri mu aku merasa hilang

dan sepi

*********************

Fallen in love with this song last few months. Another one is Semua Tentang Kita by Peter pan. Indonesian bands seems to make a big name in Malaysian music scenes. I am usually fond of oldies but there's something about the Indonesian music that had struck me. When I listen to Dealova and Semua Tentang Kita, I recall my Kinabalu battle. I remembered Juru my mountain guide. Honestly I missed the torture. The piercing wind, the muscle pain and the cruel cold at Laban Rata and the peak, 100 years forget, I never will.

My heart shattered every time Kinabalu came flashing..

40 is the number..

40. What should be accomplished by 40?

1. More daily prayers

2. A Degree

3. Rent a better house

4. Debt free (except for credit card)

5. part-time teaching

6. Read Tuesdays with Morrie and Shaw Shank Redemption

7. Re-marry

A handful. Well at least I plan. Hurts so much when I read a signage saying - Failing to Plan means Planning to Fail. I can't afford to be a failure any more. Enough is enough. I must take charge of myself now. Allah has lent me this live, got to lead with dignity and responsibility.

Birthdays..

Last Sunday was my birthday. Came to office to do some work. Kids are out with their father. Luckily Ain was here and treated me with the Sambal Pizza. She doesn't know it's my birthday. May is a very special month. Starts with Labour Day, Mother's Day, Teacher's Day, my birthday, my mother's, my late grand mother's, my ex's and my ex best friend's. Not to forget it's the school holiday. Love May.

What is so special about birthdays? None. I just remember it and thank Allah I am a year wiser. Allah gave me another year to enjoy the air and be with my family. Not the type who would celebrate. Did told my kids, one day I would just buy the smallest cake at LaBoheme, Jaya Jusco and eat at home.

I grew up with the culture of celebrating birthdays with lots of food at taking photos. Not my type. Just a waste of time and money. Alhamdulillah the culture failed to conquer me.

Gloomy..

Some times nothing is right, not even a routined work. My throat is too sore for words. Would like to just keep quiet and talk to my blog. Friday mornings are my emotional days. Been reading Antigone, A Doll's House and Soyinka's play. So excited to start the new semester. Been doing the filing system. Hate filing. If only I could ignore all the papers on my table. Results will be out on 1st June. How did I do? An A is not important for me, as long as my CGPA is above 3.00. I would very much fond of enjoying the process of learning. Commenting silently about the lecturers' teaching and their keeness of using slides. Many of them are totally depending on the slides. Lights are out and they start lecturing. None is spontaneous and brainstorming. These people made me think lecturing is an easy job.



School holidays begins. Sigh. Wher to kids? Will your father take you out? Not until I see some amount in my account. Evil mom? Nah....couldn't help what is basic responsibility. I shall try to take them to the lakes to play kites.



Josh Groban is beside me, a slow number. Made me even more want to be alone. Ain has been reminding me about the rafting and snorkelling in KK this year end. Sigh again.. if only I have the money dear friend..



I envy those who would just jump to a vacation. Me, even simple errands need proper planning. Dear Allah, only You have the knowledge of my future..pity me dear Allah, place me with those who always worship You..