Darkened Mirage

Darkened Mirage

They sat stiffly on the bench at the garden. They have called her as there is “something” to tell. As she draws nearer, she could see Judith is sobbing. Brown looks sad. That “something” seems to be cloudy.

Only her latchkey hanging out of her pocket sounded as the wind blew. She stood facing them. They are still quiet. “Emma, the railroad disaster last night….” She looked at Brown. Judith drowned herself in tears. There is a stern silence except for Judith’s eerie weeps. The wind had seemed to stop, adding echoes to Judith’s tears. She knew that Jack was killed in the railroad disaster.

Slowly she walks into her room. The dim-lighted alley has always been loyal, waiting for her. She is immune to the muteness of the alley. She doesn’t know how to feel. She could hear her heart stomping loudly. Her heart condition is not as stable as expected but suddenly she feels the ally has been brightened up a little.

Emma looked at her room. She felt a pang of emptiness. She observes Jack’s collections of key chains. They stood majestically on his study table. She moved to the window. The morning sun pierced into her eyes, quickly she pulled the curtains and locked the window. She feels secured when everything is shut. Then she feels her heart stumbled into her eyes, a sudden anguish had frozen there. The room had become darker, as if the walls are going to press her. She felt a heavy chill in her spine that shouted that Jack is dead. She fell motionlessly to the floor, she can’t reach her feet, her keys dropped off her pocket.

The word “dead” comes trampling into her ears. She cried violently reflecting Jack’s sweet odor. Wept and wept until her chest had become heavy.

“Judith, I need to see my mother in Tucson. I can’t be staying in this house anymore,” I said to Judith, perhaps still conforming that her brother had died. “I know, after fifteen years, your life starts here.” Her words, however kind she had put it, came damp and narrowed.

I nodded. I restored my teenage years. Getting married to Jack is the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me and the small village. Jack, the successful, charming young man from town, with a stable job, asked for my hand, just after I had finished school.

Is this freedom? Free to walk to the train station, going back to see momma? I should be happy, after all, this is the very moment that I have been waiting for. In the car, I feel blessed. My husband had just died but it seems like he has been gone for so long. I gripped my room keys that are still sitting in my pocket. This is the only thing that would remind me of Jack.

I would be able to see my family again. Free? Liberty? I wouldn’t want to question what freedom is. Being able to see my parents is the first decision I had ever made on my own. I wouldn’t want to look back, I am overwhelmed with fantasies about the future. I smiled and smiled, holding on to my room key as if they would fall off from my hands. At this moment, I
am as red as a poppy, eyes as bright as the street lamps. Sometimes I giggle, until my cheek feels a bit tired. I am exhilarated, welcoming the new joy of freedom .

Numb and refrained, I board the train. Not many people are on the train, may be they fear another disaster would occur. I am a bit nervous when the train started to move, the scream of the engine seems to hurt my ears. Whenever I fell scared or unsecured, I reach for the keys and hold on to it, my lifeline for so many years, and still is.

After nine hours, the train came to a halt. Another disaster? Who would tarnish her freedom now? Only one hour left to her hometown but the train seems to be stopping for ages.

Most passengers on the coach are asleep. There’s no one to talk to. Everything is dim, she recalled the alley just before her room. Her leg had become stiff after sitting for so long. She walked to another coach, everybody on the coach looked at her weirdly. She walks back to her seat but again, those passenger who were asleep before, planted a comical stare at her. How long should I wait? I want to be free, free, free but focused.

Emma left the train. Nothing is going to stop her now. She walks, hoping to reach her hometown by foot. Free? Hopefully, she will reach home before dark, she just wants to erase the dark alley adjacent to her room from her vision.

Why is the time not moving? The time is tremendously dull. She is exhausted from the long walk and her heart is troubling her. She felt the curse on her chest. Please, please don’t, I need to see my mom. She quickened her pace. There’s a thrill in her walking now. Her lips had dried out. The anxiety of reaching home has thickened. Now she ran a bit, sights of her parents welcoming her are flashing through. She is stormed to cut the chase. She ran excitedly. Freedom, that is all she wanted now.

My heart seems to fail me. The mirage of my home has gone and my energy had gradually faded. I passionately gripped the keys hoping for more energy. Suddenly darkness blankets in. Dark? My knees had become shapeless. My heart beats with a weird rhythm. I fell to the ground. Dark. My steel lifelines are still in my hands. With a slight smile I tried to catch my breath. Nothing seems to work.

Freedom was a mirage from darkness.